15 years 1 month and 11 days

15 years 1 month and 11 days

I've learned from my mistakes
I've had too many to count.
More than all the days in my life
Way above my age.

It starts with worry
Then comes possibility
Then the mistake
And finally, theirs regret.

I can say I'm sorry
You know, for the 5,516+ mistakes
But sorry only works if you mean it
And I'm not sure I can.

I'm stupid.
For everything I've done.
Every day seems to bring more options.
Something to ease the pain just a little more...

It's all too much.
I wonder about god,
Is he real?
Why does he allow me to mess up?

You'd be surprised.
You most likely wouldn't understand.
You'll say you do,
Just to say anything at all.

That's how it works.
That or you refuse to believe me.
You say that all that cant happen.
I mean why not?

Im only 15 years 1 month and 11 days old.

Of course you wouldn't want to believe me.
You feel like you have to speak anyway,
As though pretending to know what you don't will make it all better.
It doesn't.

I wish you knew exactly how much I regret.
My story is long and contains far too many bumps.
I hate that you are all so perfect.
It makes me feel so... dirty.

I hate myself.
I hate my life.
I hate what I've done.
I hate that you will never understand.

I hate all 15 years 1 month and 11 days.